i am so reluctant to share this on here because a.) i can’t find any pansexual representation on here (plenty of bisexual stuff but almost no pansexual, though 👀); b.) tumblr is, among other things, so far past its prime in terms of art and art appreciation (corollary of this: you guys literally seriously honest to fuck don’t help; you do absolutely nothing to make me feel better about myself; arguably, tumblr makes me feel worse about myself because of how it’s always shoved into my face and then constantly shamed rather than letting me move at my own pace); and c.) …look at it. look how negative and heartbreaking and sour this is. i’m hesitant to talk about my history as is but to really describe how it’s shaped me and what i feel is a whole other animal.
but there’s no one else who can tell my story except for me, though. there’s no one who can say “i hate being pansexual and i hate my desires and i hate everything about my sexuality” like how i can say it. if you can figure it out away from the complete brain trust that’s on here, i commend you.
ig + threads (fight me, you spoiled babies): badmotorartist
Harsh Saturn/Pluto aspects and experiences of extreme violence in past lives
First off: for this theory you have to believe in pastlives or the possibility of it.
Secondly: I believe everyone has had a multitudeofpastlives on this earth and I am aware, from my viewpoint, that everyone has experienced extremehardship in one or more of them.
However, I believe that the outerplanets especially point to karmicthemes (particularly Pluto and Saturn) and thus show past life themes and experiences we have carried into this life.
Saturn/Pluto I associate with things such as: torture, war, persecution, and, for example, the Inquisition.
So, people with these harshaspects between Pluto and Saturn could relate to being afraid of these things (even if these things didn‘t happen to them in this life, but also if they did) or reacting quiteemotionally to them. Ofc, they could likely also experience these things in this life or, a lighter version of this, activated by their karmicenergeticblueprint and thus activating their unconsciouskarmicenergeticmemory of these kinds of experiences. This could even be activated by watchingamovie or reading/ hearing about it - creating vivid imagery and intense emotion due to the unconsciousmemories.
How’s yourexperience been with these placements?
I‘d include: square, opposition, conjunction, quincunx (150 degrees) and maybe even the semi-sextile (30 degrees). Also, there’s a couple of less known minor aspects that could also have this effect (tao, semi-square, sesquiquadrate).
Also, people with a generallystrongPluto (tense aspects to personal planets, conjunct/ square AC, conjunct DC etc) might relate.
i have the square: i was born in april 1993, when the waco crisis came to a head (like my parents brought me home and while acclimating me, a brand-new human, to planet earth, and they had cnn on in the background going on about the branch davidians). plus, saturn rules my 7th, 8th, and 9th houses—while being in my 9th house no less—while pluto rules my 6th house from the 5th, so like a third of my chart is dominated by these two assholes. i have a strong pluto, too: the only parts of my chart it doesn’t aspect are jupiter and my ascendant.
i have grown up in poverty, in a trailer park. my father’s side of the family is dysfunctional in every sense of the word, and it increased after my grandpa passed. my dad is a recovering alcoholic. my mom is a workaholic in every sense of the word. my brother is a bible thumper. i grew up and live on the west coast so i have experienced extreme heat as well as extreme cold. i have been bullied for everything but my sexuality which i kept under lock and key for the duration of my teen years because i lived in a conservative area and i had a cousin who was estranged for coming out as lesbian and then transgender. i have dealt with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, self-harm, and eating disorders (pluto forms a t-square with chiron in my 2nd house and my moon, my chart ruler, in my 8th house). i was living out of a car at one point. i nearly died in a fire when i was 18. i was 5 minutes from dying in a car accident when i was 9. i almost lost my dad to pneumonia at that same age. i watched my stepdad basically kill himself. i have been chewed out for something as natural as crying; i have been laughed at for having a crush. i feel like i’m not allowed to be human… but i see shit like “be yourself!” all the time said in the same breath. one or the other, i can’t do both, jesus ball-cooking christ. saturn ruling my 7th and 8th houses: yes, i know loneliness and i am intimate with the dark side, thank you for asking, and no i don’t think for one second that there’s anyone who can love all of me (chart ruler moon in aquarius in the 8th: am i girl or an alien?). saturn ruling my 9th house: i was a stem student for years on the phony promise of “all you have to do is school” that everyone under the age of 40 bought into; i currently have my associates degree in art and i have no desire to go back to college unless there is mass overhaul. i’m agnostic but i have mad respect to anyone who doesn’t weaponize their religion. i’ve always had the weirdest relationship with religion, too. pluto in my 5th house ruling my 6th house: i’m often exhausted, and when i say exhausted i don’t mean tumblr’s brand of “exhaustion”, no that makes me roll my eyes every time, because i actually have a lot of energy, you stupid babies. i mean, exhausted mentally and emotionally and spiritually. “you’re so smart!” um, okay? thanks i guess? my sexuality is my greatest source of personal angst and something i fight with constantly, i hate it so much i wish i could change it.
i’m big in build: i was born a week early because i was going to be 10 pounds otherwise… and yet i was a skinny kid. at 9 years old, i was 80 pounds soaking wet and tiny: a year later, i was 115 pounds and still thin. a year after that, i was 125 pounds and ever so slightly chubby, but i was constantly bombarded with messages that i’m fat and no one would love me—worse still, when i was thin, i felt awful. it’s so weird to say that i’m currently 260 pounds and i’ve barely got a belly.
the stupidest, pettiest nonsense awakens my wounds: seeing happy couples, seeing the man i love with someone who gives me far too many red flags and i am completely helpless to help him, seeing people relishing and enjoying their sexuality no matter what it is, seeing artists make money, being asked about work, being asked about goals of any kind, being asked if i’m seeing anyone HOLY SHIT.
and you nailed it right on the head with intense emotions, too, op. oh god, did you ever. i relate to frida kahlo on this level, too (i believe she had the square, too, saturn in pisces to my saturn in aquarius, and pluto in gemini to my pluto in scorpio), in that i try to translate those emotions into art and words. and no, i get very little attention for it. i don’t know if it’s just my chiron in leo talking but that actually hurts my feelings, like… i wonder if i was being honest and blunt enough. plus, i want to be seen. if i made it just for myself, i wouldn’t have posted it. duh.
i also relate to medusa, athena (the goddess of war; being a triple aries with mars rising, it makes sense), pelé (the volcano goddess), joan of arc, lara croft, lara from dr. zhivago, sarah connor, christine (the demon car), jennifer from jennifer’s body, the sisters from ginger snaps, everyone in the hills have eyes (the original), and jamie lee curtis’ character in the Halloween movies. scarred but tenacious women (and a car) who are just the right amount of unhinged.
and… yes, i know true pain when i see it, and i know when it’s complete horse shit. i know when someone is authentic and i know when it’s complete horse shit.
The United Auto Workers are also negotiating new contracts with the big three US car manufacturers and have announced that they’re prepared to strike if they can’t get a fair deal.
